The latest crackpot poll from Britain says 60% of respondents pick their teeth with such things as screwdrivers, scissors, earrings, knives, keys, needles and forks. 23% just leave the food in their teeth.
It must be true. It's a poll.
Another good tooth picker is a parchment business card. They are thinner than standard business cards but very sturdy. They are expensive cards, so the best source is a crooked lawyer or somebody trying to act richer than they are.
HANG 'EM
Once, I had jury duty, and while waiting they allow you to go up to talk to the judge to give reasons for being excused. A woman told the judge she was a beauty operator and her clients depended on her to fix their hair, without her they would have to walk around looking like a mess.
YOU'LL SHOOT YOUR EYE OUT
Pennsylvania is considering making hunting with an atlatl legal.
Atlatl is a prehistoric weapon that shoots 6 foot long darts at 80 miles per hour.
There is even a World Atlatl Association.
A Montana company is the leading manufacturer of atlatls. You can buy a two foot maple atlatl and five 5 1/2 foot long aluminum darts for $140.
THE NEW NUMBER ONE MAN PERFUME
In only four years, AXE has become the number one man perfume. Advertising experts claim it has shown a new way to market to young men.
AXE ads remind me of the old Hai Karate commercials where you needed to know karate in order to fight off all of the women after you splashed it on. I think the smell was the self defense.
IT MAY BE SAFE TO EAT GROUND PORK IN NEW JERSEY AGAIN
On the Sopranos, Sylvio vetoed the idea of sticking the guy they just killed in the meat grinder at the Pork store like they usually do. He said it would leave DNA.
WHO HAS LESS SENSE?
Here is a topic for you to debate. Who has less sense and less wisdom? The United States congress or Paris Hilton.
HONESTY IS THE BEST POLICY?
The immigration bill has a complicated formula to determine what you have to do to stay in the United States depending on how long you have been here. If you have been here less than two years, you have to do this. Up to five years you have to do that. If you have been here over five years you can automatically stay. How will they determine how long you have lived in the United States? THE HONOR SYSTEM.
GAS MONEY SAVING TIP
Don't use 3 bucks worth of gas to drive to and wait in the drive-thru at McDonald's to buy a $1 double cheeseburger.
MADMAN MUNTZ STORY
Earl MADMAN Muntz made and lost three fortunes. He was married seven times. He was a friend of the biggest movie stars. He was the originator of "the owner is crazy and his prices are insane" form of advertising. His ads appeared up to 173 times a day in Los Angeles.
Madman Muntz appeared in television commercials dressed in red long john underwear and a Napoleon hat. He coined the term TV (which he also named his daughter), was the father of 4-track tapes which became the 8-track, had a stereo store where the salesgirls wore skimpy uniforms, sold used cars in California that he paid servicemen to drive from the midwest, built sportscars that he lost $1000 on each , plus dozens of other wild business enterprises.
Madman Muntz is famous for the line:
"I WOULD GIVE THE CARS AWAY, BUT MRS. MUNTZ WON'T LET ME. SHE'S CRAZY"
