MR BRILLIANT WILL SUEAshleigh Brilliant's business is writing aphorisms/epigrams- short (17 words or less) philosophical sayings which he sells on postcards for 25 cents each. He also sells them- to Reader's Digest, puts them on mugs, shirts, caps and compiles them into books.He earns over $100,000 a year. Mr. Brilliant has over 9,600 aphorisms in his catalog and tries to write one every 36 hours. He claims his aphorisms are on 100 million items. I can't give you an example because he will sue me. He sued David Brinkley when his book's title happened to be the same as No. 461. You can read his pearls of wisdom on his website. Mr. Brilliant has settled over 130 copyright infringement cases.
BEER FOR BREAKFASTSeven percent of employees take a drink before going to work. Many more have a drink during the day.There was once a group of workers that worked in a print shop that got in the bad habit of having liquid lunches outside a nearby convenience store where they bought their six packs. They would throw their empty cans at the dumpster-sometimes missing. Everyday, an old man came by pushing a shopping cart who would pick up cans that missed and fished through the trash for the rest. The print shop guys would ask him why he wasted his time and laughed at him. After a year or two, instead of the shopping cart, he drove up in a brand new car to pick up the cans. Next, he was going to buy a boat.
DROOPY DRAWERS McGOOA dopey punk wearing gigantic baggy pants hanging low was running from the law. The pants were slowing him down, so he ditched them and continued running. A police officer retrieved the pants which still had the punk's wallet and driver's license in the pocket. The officer drove to the address and was on the front porch when the guy arrived home.
WHAT DID ZARQAWI'S LAST WORD MEAN?
UNHAND THAT BUGAnimal Rights activists should storm North Korea and make them stop eating insects. The people have nearly wiped out the insect population because they are starving to death and that is all they can find to eat. If you are in the North Korean army they feed you good.Take a photo tour of wild wonderful North Korea
WORLD CUP DANGEROUS TO YOUR HEALTHThe stress from watching the World Cup soccer matches causes a 25% increase in heart attacks.I would suggest that Al-Qaeda should field a team so we could safely get rid of some of them, but they would probably try to sneak in exploding balls.
LAWYERS AND LIBERAL POLITICIANS WILL GET US KILLEDI think they should appoint monkeys with rubber stamps to the FISA court.Are those screaming the loudest about eavesdropping on terrorists old 60's radicals having a flashback?
HERE LIES WHAT'S HIS NAMEDon't invite liberals to eulogize at your funeral. Judging by the Coretta Scott King's funeral and the Paul Wellstone memorial, they will forget you are there and use the spotlight to talk about something else.
"I didn't attend his funeral, but I wrote a letter saying I approved of it."
MAJOR ANNOUNCEMENTI went to the grocery store and came home with my Super Bowl supplies in a brown paper bag. There they were peeking out half covered from under the self-service conveyor belt. An electric charge zapped up my spine. Paper sacks instead of a hundred plastic ones with two items in each. A while back, another store asked the burning question- paper or plastic? Should I save the trees or save the dirt? They were already stuffing plastic bags before I gave them my answer. I insisted on paper and got a big one with handles. Of course, they don't remember eggs don't go on the bottom. They probably no longer have World's fastest bagger contests.
I CAN'T COME IN TODAYThe United Nations is a good idea but in practice worthless. The Security Council- there to supposedly make decisions to keep the world safe, meets while some members do not bother to show up. What are they there for? What better things do they have to do? Too busy playing with their mistress?
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