MR BAD IDEAS FINDS IT UNREALISTIC

The dirty movie they showed on HBO 11 (HBO 12 Pacific time) in the middle of the night was about a cavegirl that jumps through a time travel portal and ends up in our time one million years in her future. During her naked scenes, it was obvious that she had tattoos on the small of her back and shoulder. I don't think she was really a cavegirl.

A LOVE DOLL FOR BULLS

Creative New Zealanders have invented a new way to collect bull semen. A bull's equivalent of a plastic blow up lady, it consists of a go kart with a cow hide covering the top. A driver idles up to the bull, raises it to the proper height then the bull has his way with it. A demonstration of the invention is drawing huge crowds at a New Zealand agriculture exhibition.

HAIL HAIL THE GANG'S ALL HERE

The latest innovation in birthing babies is the Birthing Suite. The suite is large enough so you can invite everyone you've ever known to witness the birth of your baby. You can even have the event catered.

You might want to leave out the milkman, so he doesn't spend the entire blessed event getting the evil eye.

NO MORE SHOWS

The RMCA will no long sanction shows to choose the best of breed. RMCA stands for Rat and Mouse Club of America. Ratty unthinking rat owners in their zeal to win ribbons and trophies have not been quarantining rats exposed to SDA Virus and Sendai Virus. They have been taking them to the events anyway and costing the lives of other's beloved rats. The RMCA will no longer be a part of risking lives.

ASK MR BAD IDEAS

Q: My chicken is wearing a little ice bag on its head and wiping its beak a lot. Should I be worried?

MR BAD IDEAS: I would tell you to write your will, but according to the experts there won't be anyone left to leave anything to.
Read more

Send questions to mrbadideas@mrbadideas.com

THE GOOD OLD DAYS

The most popular exhibit ever at the Luna Park and Dreamland amusement parks on Coney Island was the Premature Infant exhibit. Premature babies in their incubators were on display for long lines of onlookers. Some people would return often to keep tabs on their favorite baby. The Luna Park exhibit ran from 1904 until 1943- long after Luna Park closed.

It wasn't as completely inhuman as you may be thinking. Incubators were a new complicated expensive technology and hospitals wouldn't buy them. Most babies were born at home and the chances for a premature baby living were slim. The inventor set up the incubators with its tiny occupants at exhibitions. When he saw the popularity, he hit upon the idea of charging admission to defray the cost of operating the machines.

A WEBSITE FOR THE AMISH

I was trying to think of where I could find a good old fashioned hand cranked ice cream maker- the kind with the wood bucket. I remembered there was a website- Lehmans.com that ironically sells non-electric appliances to the Amish. I thought: "then again, maybe they don't. Amish don't have freezers, so they don't have ice." Lehman's does carry ice cream makers made by the Amish in 8 quart and 20 quart sizes with a giant wheel to do the cranking. I guess the Amish can make ice cream during the winter.

Lehman's also sells kerosene refrigerators and olive oil burning lamps.

I just had an idea. I wonder if I can make ice cream with the home concrete maker that I bought 4 years ago and never took out of the box? You roll it around the back yard and it mixes the concrete.

I SAW YOUR BOSS RUNNING AROUND WITH THIS RED-HEADED FLOOZY.

Las Vegas struck out trying to become a family destination with theme parks and other wholesome attractions. Now, Las Vegas promotes itself as the place you can go to do things that nobody back home will ever know about. The town is exploding with business.

With all the new sneaky people who want to go wild being attracted to town, I am considering a career change. I may move to Las Vegas and become a blackmailer. I am sure I could be very valuable to people who need News They Can Use.

THEY DO IT HERE BUT THEY DON'T DO IT THERE

Cable TV has more fashionistas than you can shake a stick at. From Joan Rivers to aspiring clothes designers on Project Runway, they can tell you what is in and what is out. OK, if you say so, don't go by me. What is called fashionable now will be looked at as complete stupidity/"what was I thinking" even by these "fashion is my life" experts in ten years.

Read about the man that gets rich watching the academy awards. Or, get the pdf

WHAT'S IN YOUR WALLET?

Bill Gates was being interviewed and was asked what he had in his wallet. I began wondering if the President of the United States carried cash on him? If he does when would he have an occasion to need it? If he runs out of money, does he send someone down to the Bureau of Printing and Engraving to pick him up some?

Archives

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 Next