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IF THE FRENCH LIKE IT, COUNT US OUT

The metric system was legalized in the United States in 1866. It is the standard all over the world and in science labs. Americans have stubbornly refused to make the switch. The only way we have agreed to allow it in our lives is soda pop bottles. Or, if you're handy, a set of wrenches.

MAMA DON'T PREACH

Madonna says that she forbids her children from watching television. She says that she doesn't want their minds polluted by popular culture.

I wonder if she forbids them from going into libraries and used book stores, too? I think it is her elaborate scheme to keep them from seeing what mommy has been up to.

WHERE HAVE ALL THE FLOWERS GONE?

The Shakers were once a religious sect known for making well crafted furniture. One of their religious beliefs was celibacy- married couples included.

The Shakers are now extinct.

THOMAS EDISON'S DIRTY TRICKS

The invention of the electric chair and its adoption as a capital punishment tool was due to a series of dirty tricks by Thomas Edison. Read:

THOMAS EDISON and the ELECTRIC CHAIR

Someone with a weapon only has control over you as long as you think there is a chance they will let you go.

YOU CAN MARRY MORE MONEY IN A MINUTE THAN YOU CAN MAKE IN A LIFETIME

The advice imparted by my 8th grade shop teacher everyday in class. If you are in search of a rich wife you should go to Columbia. Columbia is full of rich widows, some rather young, whose husbands have been killed by guerillas and drug lords. They have land, large houses and are manless. You probably won't have much competition.

HUNTING WABBITS

The State of California is considering a law to make it illegal for your dog to chase rabbits even in your own back yard. If your dog catches a rabbit and harms it you would go to jail for six months and pay a $1000 fine.

We had a big white rabbit that we let live in our living room. Rambo used a litter box and ate dog food. We would just bring a new bag of dog food in and he would chew it open, then he and our 100 lb. dog would share the food although he would try to block the entrance. Rambo was for years paranoid and convinced everyone was out to get him. Every dog that visited tried to prove him right. It was a good thing we don't live in California and he was too fast and a master at hiding behind things.

ALWAYS LOOKING FOR A WAY TO SELL YOU THE BIG BRITCHES

On April 26, the 2006 Bitter Pill Awards will be announced. The awards go to the worst in drug advertising.

A 2005 Bitter Pill Award went to Nexium. Prilosec (the purple pill) became an over the counter drug with a drop in price, so they renamed it Nexium and made it a prescription drug with a high price tag. Studies showed that there was no difference in 20 mg of either drug.

IMMIGRANTS NEEDED TO DO THE WORK?

Mexico imports Guatamalans to do the work that Mexicans won't do.

A GIANT CASE OF THE D.W.T.s

Do you have the DWTs? Everybody has the DWTs. Politicians, educators, businesses, newspeople, probably you have a Giant case of the DWTs. Instead of doing the most important thing that you need to do that day, you are Doing the Wrong Things- things that are easier and make you look like you are busy, anything except the most important thing you need to do that day to get you where you want to be. April 15 is one of the few days of the year where we are forced to do the most important thing we need to do that day.

VIDEO TOMBSTONES

The biggest hit at the latest Mortuary Convention was the Video Tombstone. It has small screen in the middle of the tombstone and a video loop. You can view highlights of the deceased life or perhaps the deceased can yell "Boo" as you press the start button.

FUSION IS YUMMY

Many hip chefs have become masters of FUSION cuisine. Fusion is taking spices used by one cuisine and using it on ingredients from another kind of cuisine. Food experts say the best practitioners have traveled the world and studied philosophy. I love that FUSION cuisine. I can't get enough of the Southwest Egg Rolls at Chili's.

WHAT SAD TIMES ARE THESE

Jimmy Dean Sausage has gone from having television, recording star Jimmy Dean as their spokesman to a guy walking around his house in a sun costume.

Read about the incident that caused Jimmy Dean to start a sausage company: SAUSAGE KING

WHO CARES WHAT AL FRANKEN THINKS

The title of a book means everything for sales. If Al Franken had written books titled WHAT AL FRANKEN THINKS instead of glomming on to the fame of Rush Limbaugh and Bill O'Reilly nobody would have bought them. He would be remembered only as that guy who sometimes was on Saturday Night Live, starred in a flop movie and wrote a book you saw in the bargain bin or dollar store.

HOW TO FIND MR BAD IDEAS ON GOOGLE

While checking the site statistics for mrbadideas.com I found that Google Search thinks Mr Bad Ideas is a great site for refering people that typed "bad effects of drinking moonshine." I have never drunk moonshine and neither did my mama although she never did have anything good to say about reveneurs.

I guess Google Adsense will decide to run ads here for people selling stills.

SEND IN THE CLONES

Some argue that we need illegal aliens to do the work that citizens refuse to do. If we send all the illegal aliens back to Mexico and Central America we will have to make clones and robots to take their place. According to science fiction writers: clones or robots will eventually revolt and try to take over or worse- exterminate us.

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