PLEASE PUT ON YOUR KNICKERSIn a survey from Britain, 1/3rd said they talked on the phone while in the nude. One out of ten lay the phone down and leave the room with the other person still on the line.
MUSTy SEE TVThe television schedule was terrible tonight. I ended up watching the woman on the Public Access channel soaking her feet. She had an electrical cord (attached to some contraption) dangling in the water. Was this going to be a televised electrocution? She said something about pulling toxins out of her body. Darn. Next channel.
A NEW WAY TO BREAK YOUR NECKA MIT physicist has invented the Super Pogo stick. His stick will bounce you six feet in the air. As with every invention, it could be used for good or evil. I envision the possibility of an Olympic event- Super Pogoing or a getaway vehicle for pogoing gangs of pursesnatchers.
HOW 'BOUT A GREASEBURGERDyers Hamburgers on Beale Street in Memphis cooks their hamburgers in grease. It is the same grease that Doc Dyer opened the restaurant with in 1912. They filter everynight and add to it when needed. They say it has acquired 94 years of flavor.
Perform with your family and friends the Mr Bad Ideas's radio commercial script for DON'T CALL HIM THE SOUP NAZIAl Yegenah, knighted the Soup Nazi by Jerry Seinfeld, has sold out, closed his restaurant and left the country.but DON'T CALL HIM THE "SOUP NAZI" WE'RE IN THE BANANASChimp actors pay rates are skyrocketing. There has been a proliferation of ads using chimps while many veteran chimps have retired and not been replaced because it costs a lot to raise and keep a chimp. The daily rate paid to monkey wranglers has gone up from $800 per chimp/day to $1000.
FEW LINED UP TO LOOK UP SHARON STONE'S SKIRTIf Bill Clinton was sitting on the front row eagerly awaiting his friend Sharon Stone's big scene in Basic Instinct 2 he was in a theatre almost by himself. Most movie theatregoers are teenagers and young adults- few who probably have a stash of granny porn.
DOES GOING TO HOME DEPOT MAKE YOU CRY?In the closing credits of the movie SIDEWAYS is the disclaimer:"No California trees were harmed in the making of this motion picture."
YOU'LL SHOOT YOUR EYE OUTThe Daisy BB gun was originally given away as a premium when you bought something else for your farm. The something else was probably one of the main targets for young sharpshooters.HOW I LISTEN TO RECORDSI have over 500 vinyl record albums. That is nearly nine feet of records. I haven't played them for years because my turntable doesn't have a needle. But I still can listen to them. I look at the album cover and something dislodges some dusty spot in my brain and the songs start playing in my head.
BOTTOM IS NO LONGER THE LIMITHarold and Darrell Allen operate competing Septic Tank Cleaning companies in Athens, GA. Now they are recording stars with a song about their life with the sludge called THE HONEYWAGON. They are receiving heavy radio airplay in North Georgia and recently appeared on Jimmy Kimmel.One of my favorite Saturday Night Live bits was host Gary Busey playing the "the Slop Jockey". He showed up at a farm and told the dense rube farm boys that for $5 he would jump in their cesspool. They laughed, paid him $5 and he jumped in their cesspool. Then, he came back covered in muck and sat down in a rocker on the porch. He said now "for fifty dollars he would leave."
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